The question today is not “It’s 10pm do you know where your child is?” as it was in the past. We know where they are. They are up in their room on the computer, roaming the internet and hanging out on some social network or on IM chatting with 100 friends or maybe texting 50 people at the same time from their cell phone. The real question is, which is worse?
Social networking is fast becoming woven into the fabric of our society and will continue to grow and dominate how we all communicate in the future. As parents, we all need to understand what that means and how to both prepare and protect our children when using social networking media like Facebook, Twitter, Instant Messaging, Texting and the over 25,000 other sites that market themselves as social networks.
The real key is “Social Awareness” and that requires an investment in time by each of us as parents to understand what social networking is, what it is not, which networks our kids are using and and making them aware of some simple rules that will protect them in the future. Do not depend on the school system, the internet or your kids themselves to know how to respond to intimidation, bullies, predators or other internet social threats, you need to be proactive to help protect them, rather than reactive and end up consoling or defending them.
I am a realest in that you can not control every moment of your teenagers life and kids are going to make good decisions and bad decisions. That is a part of growing up. It does not mean we can not influence those decisions through constant sharing and communication (better know by your kids as harassment and interference). Even if you think they are not listening, they are so keep at it.
Preventing kids today from gaining access to the internet is like holding back a tidal wave at the beach with a pail and shovel. You are not going to be able to always control who they are talking to online, but you can develop, agree upon, implement and stand firm on strategies to keep online access within reason, especially when they are younger. Simple security tools that you can put on home computer’s (and many new ones have built in) can control when users have access to the internet and when they do not. If you have a 12 or 13 year old who is surfing the web at 1 AM or 2 AM (while you are in bed asleep), it is probably not for school research and you need to put some controls in place.
Online Harassment and Verbal Abuse
Sites like Facebook take this subject very seriously and have procedures and policies in place to report abuse, block users and ban them from the network. Much has been discussed and reported that Facebook harassment played a role in Massachusetts, where a freshman girl committed suicide because of taunting in school and online. I checked out what Facebook had to say on their help page and they have a strong position and offered some great resources to share. The Facebook policy is:
Facebook strongly urges parents to talk to their children about the dangers they may encounter online, and to make sure their children are using Facebook in a safe manner. Parents may want to install monitoring software on home computers if they are concerned about what their children are doing online. Children must know that they should report any inappropriate or offensive Facebook content to their parents and to Facebook using the tools made available through the site.
For more information regarding internet safety check out the following sites:
- OnguardOnline.gov (which includes a guide for adults called Net Cetera: Chatting With Kids About Being Online)
- WiredSafety.org
- Commonsense.com
- Ncmec.org
- TRUSTe.org
- ConnectSafely.org
- NetSmartz.org
- WebWiseKids.org
- AThinLine.org
Important Safety Tips To Share With Kids
- They should never share their password with anyone.
- Discuss adjusting their privacy settings on any social network to match an agreed upon level of comfort, and review them often as networks are adapting and expanding all the time to meet the needs of users and respond to cyber-threats.
- Kids need to be cautious about posting and sharing personal information, certain pictures and information that could be used to identify you or locate them offline, such as your address, cell or home telephone number.
- Report users and content that violate social network rules. Here is a link to Facebook’s “Rights and Responsibilities” Statement of Rights and Responsibilities.
- Block and report anyone that sends you unwanted or inappropriate communications. Your kid may be smart enough to blow it off, but another may become a victim, so report it to the network and authorities if warranted.
- Remember that while social networks like Facebook have always been based on a real name culture, and using fake names is a violation of rules, people are not always who they say they are. There are predators who use social networks to lure children to other unsecured sites, chat to identify some issue in their lives they can exploit in order to gain their trust.
- Always use caution when accepting or sending friend requests, and NEVER let your kids meet anyone in person alone whom you don’t know through their real world network of friends.
I Share Not To Scare, Just Be Aware
I share this information not to scare you about social networking, but to urge you to be aware, get involved and use it yourself. It is not the domain of the 15-22 age group anymore (to the massive disgruntlement of most teens). Matter of fact the fast growing segment of social networking users are those between the age of 40-55. Jump on in the water is great!
Want to have fun? Join Facebook, create a profile and friend your children. Then just sit back and listen for the scream coming from their room when they receive your invite….Priceless!
As always I encourage your feedback, input, ideas, solutions and experiences regarding this or any topic I discuss.
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